I have always been nice to telemarketers. Whenever a telemarketer calls, I listen; and I listen with great interest. If I am busy, I politely request them to call me back at a later time. If I am free to talk, I patiently listen to their entire pitch and sometimes even ask questions about whatever they are trying to sell me. Eventually I, again in all politeness, decline their offer. Anyways the point is that I have never been rude to a telemarketer. I understand that after all it’s their job to call people, and trust me it’s not an easy one. They call and pester people like you and me, only because they are paid to do so. It’s nothing personal. But like they say, everything and everybody has a breaking point and I finally hit mine. After years of being patient and tolerant with telemarketers, I finally snapped.

Recently, on a not so busy morning, I got this call from a telemarketer from ‘The C____ Club’. He claimed that I had won their lucky draw (which I didn’t know I had even participated in), and the prize was a 7 day 6 nights absolutely free stay for me and my family at their five star resort in Goa. I was really excited when I heard that, but my skeptical mind found it a little hard to believe. So I clarified, not once but twice, “Is it absolutely free? Are you sure?”. “Yes Sir, it is absolutely free for two adults and two kids for 7 days and 6 nights” he reassured me “but we wont for your travel” he clarified. I was okay with that. Then he verified my address and other details so that he could mail me the offer and I thought we were done with the call. Just as I was about to hang up and celebrate my winning, the caller interrupted “Thanks for accepting the gift Sir. I would now like to tell you the terms and conditions of this offer”.

Why should everything come with terms and conditions? I hate terms and conditions. I even hate that tiny asterisk * that comes invariably with all offers which says ‘Terms and Conditions Apply’. Why can’t there be unconditional offers? Before I could say anything he continued “Sir, the offer includes only boarding, and does not include food. You will have to pay for the meal plans”. “Oh, okay” I said, but I was already feeling a little disappointed, “…and..?” I prompted “..and Sir we won’t pay the taxes” he added. “That’s okay, I don’t like to pay taxes either” was my instant response. “No Sir, you will have to pay for the taxes and the meal plans and the total amount would come to Rupees Eleven Thousand Six hundred …bhal blah..” I was now losing my patience with this guy. It was apparent that the so called free offer was not actually free. But somehow my mind was still unwilling to accept it. There is always this hope, you see. I like free stuff and I just couldn’t let it go that easily. So I began to negotiate “Well you see, I don’t think we would like to stay in Goa for 7 days. Why don’t we do this – Why don’t we cut down the free stay to just 3 days and use the money from the balance stay to pay for the taxes and meal plans?” I thought he would say “Wow, what an idea Sirji !”, but instead he chuckled and said “But the stay is anyways free sir, and even if you stay for lesser days, you will still have to pay the entire amount of taxes”. I don’t know if it was his chuckle or his explanation, but I couldn’t stand him any longer “Then why did you earlier say it was all FREE? I had even asked you twice if it was really FREE and you said yes” My voice by now was raised enough, that everyone at home was staring at me. But that didn’t bother me and I continued my yelling “Do you even understand the meaning of FREE? FREE means NO Money - Zero money. You can’t say free and then ask for money. That’s wrong. That’s cheating. I am not interested in your club or your offer and I am never ever going to stay at your club’s resorts. And you know what - Forget free. Even if you actually pay me and beg me to stay at your resorts, I am not going to stay there. And don’t ever call me again”. Without giving him a chance to respond, I just hung up the phone.

I think I sounded like a teenager breaking up with her boyfriend, because she caught him cheating on her. I was angry, emotional, sad, frustrated, and to add to it, by now my entire family was laughing like crazy. “Why do you even talk to those people? I have told you so many times to just say ‘not interested’ and disconnect the phone. They are all cheats” were my dad’s words of wisdom. Maybe dad is right, but I just can’t do that. What if the club guy was genuine? What if he was different? Plus I thought I had really won. I thought maybe this time I was really lucky. And he did say it was all free. How do I know that like everybody else, he too was only after my money? Anyways, I will be careful the next time onwards; especially with those who try to sell me free stuff.

PS: I am still nice to those telemarketers who call to ‘sell’ me stuff and don’t disguise them as freebies.