“Kaay, Olakhlas Ka?” (Which is the Marathi equivalent of “Do you recognize me?”) is a question that’s sends my mind going ‘O-O, No No No No not again!’. This question really makes me nervous. I dread it. And I dread the awkwardness that invariably follows.

The beholder of this question is often an elderly member of your extended family, whom you bump into at the wedding reception of a distant cousin; and the awkwardness of the situation arises because your answer to their question ‘Do you recognize me’ happens to be a ‘No’. Now for some odd reason answering ‘No, I don’t recognize you’ is a big NO NO. I have been brainwashed, by mom, since childhood that admitting blatantly that you don’t recognize members of the family is outright ‘rude’ and not acceptable behavior. So now you have to say ‘Yes’. With a nervous smile on the face, head shaking in the yes-no swirl, you murmur ‘Yes I do’, hoping that the conversation ends there. But experience tells you, that you ain’t going to get out of this trap that easily.

Your ‘Yes, I do’ only gives rise to the next question “Tell me who am I?”. ‘Dammit!’, you think, ‘what is this - some kind of an identity check? Do you not remember who you are, that you want me to tell you that? I am not going to tell you who you are. Go figure yourself’. You are tempted to blurt all this out, but your ‘good boy’ image does not permit you to do so. So behind the benign smile that covers your face at such moments, is a mind that’s monkeying up and down every branch of your family tree tying frantically to put a name to the face that’s staring at you, waiting for an identity check (and sometimes holding you by the arm too, just to ensure that you don’t run away before you enlighten them with their identity.) And then like a lightening out of the blue it strikes you ‘Yes! I got it, this is Sheela Maushi’ - mom’s cousin aunt’. But such joys are short lived and killed by overriding thought ‘No wait, Sheela Maushi was the one who died two months ago, this must me Radha Maushi’; ‘No, Radha Maushi died, this is Sheela Maushi;… No..I don’t know.. one of them died.. I think… this is Radha Maushi – the dead one. Oh how can she be the dead one? She must be the alive one… but then who died? Forget who died, you are supposed to figure out who is this alive one here.. not the dead one….’ Eventually you give up and opt for what you think is the diplomatic way out. You say “Of course I know you, but I don’t remember your name”.

Well diplomacy works in this case and Radha Maushi caves in and reveals her identity (yes that’s who she is - Radha Maushi – the alive one). Her grip on your arm start loosening and you think that your escape is near, when all of a sudden Radha Maushi gets into the Q&A mode. ‘Where do you work?; Why don’t you take up a job instead, running you own business is risky; Why don’t you go to the USA for work, my son’s daughter and son-in-law are there; Why did you return back?; When are you planning to visit us with your wife and kid; When are you planning your second kid?….’ For a moment you start wondering on whether this old lady runs an employment cum family planning agency of some sort. But you continue to act as if you are enjoying her words of wisdom. And ‘It’s my wish…Meri marzi… I will do whatever I want’ and other variants of this answer, are only thoughts that occur in your head, which are instantly dismissed in the lure to protect your ‘good boy’ image.

Finally after a rapid crossfire of questions and suggestions, you think you have almost come to your escape point, when from nowhere your wife sneaks up oblivious of this whole situation, coolly sipping on a glass of coke. That’s it. Radha Maushi does not miss out on the opportunity to cast her spell of another awkward moment. She says “Why don’t you introduce me to your wife?”. Now this is a tough one. A mere introduction saying ‘This is Radha Maushi’ is not accepted. You got to explain the exact relationship starting with mom as the focal point and navigating through every node and branch of the family tree that connects her and mom. So now you are back on the tree again, dangling, and slipping, trying your best to cling on, when suddenly there is a pat on your shoulder. You turn around and there is another of your extended family member smiling at you asking “Kaay, Olakhlas Ka?”